Tuesday, 17 May 2016


This is for all of those who have lost to death, lost themselves in grief and have been told to move on when they are still breaking. This is to finding hope. This is our story.

Amid the walking, I'm the shadow.
I am all but a shade of pale. 
I cry but it's sounds are deadened. 
I cry but I wipe at no tears. 
I grief, but all you see is a smile,
I grief but all you hear is my laughter. 
But do you see?
Do you see that when I smile, it doesn't reach my eyes? 
Do you hear the laughter masking my screams? 
I am breathing, but I cannot hear my heart beating. 
The silence becomes noise, so loud inside my head.
All I hear is sorrows. 
I live in the aperture sitting heavily on my chest. 

Have you lost, so sudden, your mind drowns itself in shock? Until you find yourself awake to everything hurting

Will you hold my hand without telling me to be strong?
Will you let me grief my loss without telling me to keep it together? 
Let me fall, let me bleed, then hold out your hand and help me stand.
But please don't say a word. 
Just hold me while I tear and stitch, tumble and stand. 

Will I be okay again?
I ache to hope again. 

Don't wipe my tears as I shed them, let them fall, my eyes purging what my heart cannot. 
Say my name so I remember who I am, I'm so lost, will you find me?
I lay perched on the grassy hills, remembering all the lost stars, resting in God's hands. 
Keep shining my love, so I can keep looking out for you.
I stand, let the last tear fall, remembering to put back the smile so no one sees, but you see and you will find me.
That is my hope.

R.I.P  A.A, you precious human being, we ache for you everyday.


Sarita said... [Reply]

Dearest Rowie, what stirring words. You have often been on my heart and mind, and now I see that you have been suffering something unbearable. I'm so sorry for your loss. If only there were comfort through words. If only there were a cushion around the pain. Truly, I would send it to you. So much love. Wishing you strength as you grieve. Grieving is never comfortable but necessary. Smiling through it or denying it is more painful. May you get through it with strength, courage, wisdom, insights, and forbearance. Much love to you, lovely. Send me an email if you wish. Here for you. XOXOX

Molly said... [Reply]

Rowie, So sorry for what you're going through. These words are beautiful. xoxo

Best Dehumidifier For Basement said... [Reply]

Sorry for your loss. Looking forward to you soon pass

anusha said... [Reply]

Reading this with teary eyes . No words . I have been thinking about you . Please take care of yourself